DEVILCODIAN

This post is in response to the 11/28/25 post, "Brainfood for Burgeoning Blogs" by the always engaging d4 Caltrops. After 19 Sided Die christened the results to this table so blogged as blog100, I gave it a go. It's name-led engagement! Don't wait until tomorrow to christen your heartbreaker: throw two nouns + an ampersand, and off you go!

I rolled a 72: "What are some unusual Drugs/Intoxicants in your Setting," missed the plural inflective, and pitched forward. I can only assume I am stealing big pieces wholesale from someone but couldn't figure out from who, although Goblin Punch's Drugsdrugsdrugs is certainly an excellent set of answers to the same.

Antonius             What Pilles doo you vse against the Plague?

Medicus         The beste Pilles generallie vnder heauen, and is thus made. Take the beste Yellowe Aloes, twoo vnces, Myrrhe and Saffron, of eche one vnce, beate them together in a Morer a good while, putte in a little sweete wine, then rolle it vp, and of this make fiue Pilles, or seuen of one dragme; whereof take eurie daie next your harte a Scruple or more, it will expulse the Pestilence that daie, &c.

     -   William Bullein, A Dialogue Against the Feuer Pestilence

First off – Goblins are demons. They are typically portrayed as either “goblinoids” (part of a larger family encompassing orcs, hobbogobbos, even bugbears egad!) or as creatures of faerie. This is baloney! Say it. Goblins = Demons.

Samuel Díaz

As such, and by being here being fundamentally at odds with the structure of reality, their precense warps it. Think of them like little caltrops scattered about by a top-level ninja. It’s not that some moron sorcerer summoning a Balrog who stretches him doesn’t warp reality also. For sure more by square inch. But there are an awful lot of goblins.

This warp, although initially upsetting, also creates an intoxicating effect. Don’t eat the goblin! Good god, don't lick it. You must burn it like an incense. Done right, the anarchic otherworldliness of the goblin will gradually exhaust itself and make a miasma - allowing certain impossible things to be accomplished. Djinni lamps – you bet – run on goblins. Sports books. Ultimately, the goblin's desire for disorder satiated by such a transfer, it will become lethargic, lying about, blankly staring at the wall.

(Of note - although a goblin in its torpor state is "used up" and will probably die/self-teleport back to Infernus in 2-6 days, you can RECHARGE your goblin, using another goblin. This stacking is highly volatile - see also Patrick Stewart's Large Goblin Collider and it's output, P.I.G.G.Y.). A house engaging in this kind of activity is just a couple missteps away of being dragged "belowground."

Leonard Greco

Orcs, in particular, are hip to how this works, being constantly blamed for and confused with our lil' green friends. That there are invariably goblins anarchizing about the orc camp is not because they are in some way related, but rather because orcs are tweakers. They cultivate goblins as a recreational drug. From the air you can see the sinkholes from goblin-charging gone wrong.

Goblins don’t reproduce by any earthly mechanism (sexual/asexual/cyclical parthenogenesis) but instead by a counting trick where when you parse how many, you always under count. "I dunno, there were four or five of them?" It will always be the higher number, +1).

Susan Gaunt

The devilcodian (goblin milk) has a different effect on the different races, human, half-elf, elf, dwarf, half-orc, halfling –  Jeepers, that’s a lot of halfs already!

(Here we note that the halfling is but one of this procession of racist liminal caricatures, being it is a half-dwarf. Really! As it is known, dwarves everywhere are widely known as LINGS due to their own “mediating bivalency” between apparatus and ape, as per the Wikipedia article: 

Ling is the mediating bivalency, the "medium", between yin and yang that is "disorder" and "order", "activity" or "passivity" … More specifically, the ling power of an entity resides in mediation between the two levels of order and disorder, activity and passivity, which govern social transformation…

What people don’t understand about say Thorin Oakenshield is that THE Oakenshield was a literal artifact in which a living tree was folded back over itself in a torus so that the “cookie” (tree slice) always faced the sword, so chopping at it was like cutting into the entire tree cross-ways (AC-4). Only in these fallen times does a dwarf wobble around calling himself after an item that’s been long since lost to a dragonfire. I can call myself Theo Intel Core i7-105100U CPU @ 1.8GHz 2.30 GHz in more formal situations – or else out on the town T. Razr2 V8, but never Richard Ricoh 2A03. A dwarf doesn’t give a damn about you. It is one object conversing to another on top of a palanquin.

Craig Snodgrass

That’s why, incidentally, other than orcs, dwarfs go gaga for devilcodian more than any type of entity. But everybody goes for it, really.

Your mileage may differ: 

	1	2	3	4	5	6
Orc	Multi-Melta Bones become jelly – the orc oozes about like a slime for 1d6 rounds.	Orc Nouveau Turns to tinted glass. -2 AC, half hp.	Bullyworc  Takes up web feet and hands and heads swamp-land to make a new city.	Dastard Utter. Cowardice. Runs away from everything, but with a kind of joy. Fails all morale checks.	Sweat Sock Sweats profusely. Huge amounts of moisture.	Phagocytos Eats objects whole, pulling them forth at will from inside. Orc of Holding.
Half Orc	Warbler Wild bouts of singing.	Electrified   Discards all armor. Additional 1d4 damage if using metal weapons, or if you touch.	Roc Bait  Ducks from the shadows of GIANT birds. They don’t exist, but others can see the shadow too and -2 to morale.	Virago Withering. Like an old lady all of a sudden. -3 to Str, Dex, Con. +3 Wis.	Savage All of a sudden the coolest thing going. Chr 18. Probable spontaneous   sun-glasses.	Sticky. Oozes glue.
Human	Xerosite Skin Cracks letting out wonderful light. No need for torches.	Peregrine Migrates like a bird. Sells everything and goes. Catching. Save vs. Death magic or you do it too.	Bam Bam  Hits neighbor on head – invariably starts a brawl.	Argos  Eyeballs every-where. Painful, but cannot be surprised.	Conflocust-ration The more humans, the more heat. Useful on ice planets. Creates catastrophe in grass cities.	Swom  Moves upstream to mate. Climb to the Highest Point, no cliff to sheer.
Half Elf	Boohoo Weeps and weeps for lost Etzanoa.	Kessler Syndromite Perceives 1000s of tiny homunculi crashing into each other – cannot move lest they spot him.	Cloth Moth Gnaws holes in clothing, ruining any armor, and probably his teeth.	Gothik  Takes to wearing all black. Bonus to necro-mantic spells.	Clagger Fog. Everyone around becomes forgetful to the point of inadeq-uacy. No spells for anyone.	Clockodile  A tick tocking from inside the half elf like a clock. Very accurate.
Elf	Haar Becomes an insubstantial mist. Can move through walls.	Rainbow  One end of it. Gold sniffers will be looking.	Fragrant Exudes an exquisite smell like saffron. Highly prized.	Landscape Amnesiac A frog slowly boiled. From nowhere a taste of mortality. It’s exhilarat-ing, until it's not.	Arithmomath  Obsessive-ly counts objects like a low-rent vampire.	Antlers Grows them. Molts and bucks others for its territory.
Half Ling	Vespiary Head opens and a flower blooms attracting bees, making somewhat bitter honey	Woodwind Pinholes open in such a way that the wind makes a whistling noise through him.	Fizz Bubbles from the mouth. Does tricks.	Helen  Invariably get himself kidnapped and taken to a walled city, such is the glory.	Toreador  Antagonizes big beasts and doges them. -3 AC, but any appropriate will attack on site.	Yellow News  Listless in an Everything is sort of used up way.  Acquires a surprising amount of lore overnight.
Dwarf	Sericult Spins a cocoon.	Elvis Chapel  Gets married to the nearest likely candidate.	Praying Mantis  Immediately attracts a group of followers, who he will abandon, they will keep at the cult.	Dromo-maniac Will obsessively build a plane, or a hang-glided.	Disinfector Begins to slowly poison itself. -1 HP, the next day -2 HP. No recovery of HP overnight.	Fly Silver for the   Winter  Replaces skin with metal. Soon is indisting-uishable from a robot.
Goblin	Riga-marole Obsessively run into each other, hoping for an explostion.	Tiltilng  Goblins start riding one another like a horse and jousting.	Phellinus Igniarius Building fires every-where.	Seedling  Buries itself in the ground, legs up, suffocates. In 6 weeks, an identical goblin emerges.	Astron  Is suddenly in the sky. Can be communi-cated with through mediums. Otherwise inactive.	Oviparity Egg laying. Can’t really lay egg, but makes an egg of yarn and others and sits.

D. Boon